They say thinking helps us make the meaning of the world around us. It helps us Cognitively.. Emotionally.. Mentally or Physically.. and it helps us Spiritually. What is disconcerting is, why is it all so “hard to understand”? So here, “to help” can mean either life spoon-feeds us with answers or it helps us reach that stage wherein we are able to satisfy this hunger for reasoning on our own. But at the end of the day, isn’t satisfaction received in both the cases?
So are we saying that life works hard to make our life miserable just so that we can reach a stage where we are unhappy yet we get to understand the “meaning of life”? Are we saying the only purpose of the universe is to just wheel it around.. a 180 degree.. just so that we can find ourselves in the middle of nowhere, trying to find that meaning.. a reason to live.. a reason to smile.. a reason to just try and understand? Is it truly that cruel?
Well, those are nothing but a small fraction of questions that I was constantly asking myself when my life took a 180 degree turn and I landed up in a place that felt weird, and hostilely new, and empty, and quiet. It felt like a vacuum.. engulfing everything I had ever lived for and taking it away, one by one. A gloomy picture, right?
So it felt weird being on the other side of the spectrum. With everyone around you trying to take care of you, handling the tantrums, trying to make you laugh and make you happy. They are happy to see that flicker of a smile on your face.. they get delighted when they see you laugh.. the happiness in their eyes making you want to help them reach that peace. But you are stuck and you cant. You want to move but you cant.
Your heart doesn’t support anything you do. You ask her to help you survive.. but she says, “I am making this heart, beat.. this is the maximum I can do!! I am doing the best that I can.” And there you are.. right where you started.. trying to make yourself feel one percent better. You try and then you try some more. It just gets worse by the day. How to let this go? How to move on? How to even know whether moving on is the right thing to do???
And so, the questions still remain many in number.. but the answers are none. And still you try, coz that is what your heart tells you to do.. And then you know in that moment of recapturing.. that only this 8 ounce of mass can help you hear what he truly has to say..
Is it meaningful enough for you?
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